and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
