I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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