WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
jump out the window naked night went bad
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