she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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