i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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