He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
