morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
