wrigley field is MILF paradise
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
