So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
