Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
