I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
