i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
