i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
