Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
