last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
MIDGETS
????
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
