3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
