I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
