Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
