I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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