Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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