Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
last night I used snow as a chaser
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
