If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
