im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
