Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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