No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
