but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
