Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
