He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
