True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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