well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
