Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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