Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
