Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
