I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A+ Viking dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
