i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
