No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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