well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
