yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
