How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
