So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
