i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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