I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Floor bacon is actually really good
The adults are the big ones right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
