So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize