I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In other news, I just burned my penis
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize