I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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