she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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