if you like me you must not know who I am
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
