Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
