omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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