I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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