okay pat passed out under dana's car
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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