i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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