I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
