No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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