fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
