all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
