Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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