Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
