i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
