Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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