I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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