New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
