Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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