So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is wine microwaveable?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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