whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
