You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
