I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
