Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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