Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
