Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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