first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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