i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
soo... how was my night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
