we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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