I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
