Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
