just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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