you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
