he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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