somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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