She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
