No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
